We're in the final weeks you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!! All that's left is to set a court date!!!!!!!!!! Its been a long road, but we're closing in on the end of it... or at least the end of the adoption process. The parenting road has just begun.
There were so many heart wrenching moments that we feared we'd lose our Munchkin. We weren't sure if adoption was even going to be a possibility. We worried about the fate of our little man and all of the potential scenarios that he might face. The hardest part was that there was nothing we could do about it. All we could do is love him as much as we could and for as long as the State of Texas would allow us to. Now we get to celebrate becoming his forever family!!!!
The sweetest part to me, is that he has no idea how monumental this date will be. He has no idea that he isn't already legally ours. He has no idea that another life, a much different life, could have been laid before him. He won't have the wounds and scars that he might have had. He will never know the fear and uncertainty of bouncing around in the foster care system. He won't be a long term victim of abuse and neglect. I love that he has no clue how exciting all of this is! Ignorance is bliss in this particular situation.
There's one thing that's bothered me for a while though... People are always saying how great it is what we're doing for him, and I do understand what they mean, but it just doesn't sound right to me. Its not as though Munchkin should be more grateful to us than Jackson should be. And lets be honest, no kid is truly grateful to their parents until they are parents themselves. We chose to take multiple roads and methods when building our family and we did it on purpose. Munchkin is going to reap the benefits of that decision in the long term scheme of things, but it doesn't mean he owes us anything in return. We don't feel as though there is really a difference between the two in how much love there is for each of our boys.
Like I said, I know that's not what people mean, but I would like to make a request. Munchkin is getting older and understanding more and more of what we say. We don't want him to grow up feeling as though he's subject to our charitable generosity, or that he's not really ours, or that he doesn't really belong. My fear is that comments like this in front of him will eventually make him feel that way even though it isn't true. Please be mindful of what you say in front of him. He's my baby as much as Jackson is. If you wouldn't say it about Jackson, please don't say it about Munchkin.
To leave you on a lighter note... Get ready for Facebook to blow up with more than a years worth of Munchkin pictures in the next month or two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 12, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
The Mommy Struggle
As I sit here in my last week of maternity leave, holding a sleeping baby with one arm and typing with the other, I'm thinking on a few conclusions I've come to in the last few days.
The big decision for many parents is, do we figure out if we can afford to stay home with our children, or do we fall in line with the now majority of Americans and put our kids in daycare and go to work? For us, having one of us stay home isn't really a viable option at the moment. At first this reality was heart breaking to me (and still is to an extent), but after this past weekend, I think it might actually be what's best for us at the moment.
We've kept our 19 month old Munchkin in his pre-school daycare throughout my maternity leave, so I hadn't really experienced the full effect of having 2 under 2 for more than a couple hours here and there (and even then, my mom has been helping me a lot). This past Saturday my husband had to work, and I decided to see how well I could handle a 2 month old and a toddler on my own for an entire day.
The day started off rough to begin with. Munchkin is cutting some teeth and he woke up super grumpy. Then Daddy left him... then he had to share Mommy with Jackson... then Mommy had to tell him "no"... then Mommy had to tell him "no" again... and again... and again... and again... You get the idea. For the better part of the first 4 hours of the day we were in a full on screaming, wailing, snot pouring, throwing ourselves on the couch, floor or ottoman, tantrum. Jackson held it together beautifully for a little while and then he cracked too. I found myself thinking, if I can just make it till nap time... and I did. (sigh)
But then the reality hit me... they are both going to wake up! Dear Lord help me!
My mom, poor mom, made the mistake of calling to check on me at that very moment. For a split second the thought ran through my head, "Is proving I can do it really worth it?" Every inch of my mind, body and soul instantly screamed "H*** No!" Needless to say, my mommy came to my rescue and the afternoon went oh so much better than the morning did.
This experience left me feeling really defeated for not sucking it up and doing for one day what so many stay at home moms do every day. After posting my self disappointment on Facebook, many fellow mommies sent me sweet words of support, encouragement and solidarity. After talking with several veteran moms since I've come to this conclusion, none of the options available in our culture are really how God designed all of this to work...
We were not meant to parent in isolation. It really does take a village. We've moved the nuclear family unit far from jobs and extended family and hunkered down in individual boxes in a secluded place called the suburbs. These days its really hard to find true community with others in this fast paced and transient culture.
We were also not meant to out source our parenting responsibility either. That's my main issue with daycare. In moderation I see how it is a good thing (socialization and preparation for school), but its my desire to make sure my husband and I are the primary influences on our children. Some are able to find part time employment and childcare and still balance all of the finances, but it's a difficult puzzle to solve.
So what is the answer? What is the solution? I honestly do not know. We're all just figuring this out as we go and I think the solution is going to look different for everyone. For now, I'm going back to work full time and striving to keep my kids and my family at the top of my priority list, second only to my Jesus, the source of my hope and peace.
The big decision for many parents is, do we figure out if we can afford to stay home with our children, or do we fall in line with the now majority of Americans and put our kids in daycare and go to work? For us, having one of us stay home isn't really a viable option at the moment. At first this reality was heart breaking to me (and still is to an extent), but after this past weekend, I think it might actually be what's best for us at the moment.
We've kept our 19 month old Munchkin in his pre-school daycare throughout my maternity leave, so I hadn't really experienced the full effect of having 2 under 2 for more than a couple hours here and there (and even then, my mom has been helping me a lot). This past Saturday my husband had to work, and I decided to see how well I could handle a 2 month old and a toddler on my own for an entire day.
The day started off rough to begin with. Munchkin is cutting some teeth and he woke up super grumpy. Then Daddy left him... then he had to share Mommy with Jackson... then Mommy had to tell him "no"... then Mommy had to tell him "no" again... and again... and again... and again... You get the idea. For the better part of the first 4 hours of the day we were in a full on screaming, wailing, snot pouring, throwing ourselves on the couch, floor or ottoman, tantrum. Jackson held it together beautifully for a little while and then he cracked too. I found myself thinking, if I can just make it till nap time... and I did. (sigh)
But then the reality hit me... they are both going to wake up! Dear Lord help me!
My mom, poor mom, made the mistake of calling to check on me at that very moment. For a split second the thought ran through my head, "Is proving I can do it really worth it?" Every inch of my mind, body and soul instantly screamed "H*** No!" Needless to say, my mommy came to my rescue and the afternoon went oh so much better than the morning did.
This experience left me feeling really defeated for not sucking it up and doing for one day what so many stay at home moms do every day. After posting my self disappointment on Facebook, many fellow mommies sent me sweet words of support, encouragement and solidarity. After talking with several veteran moms since I've come to this conclusion, none of the options available in our culture are really how God designed all of this to work...
We were not meant to parent in isolation. It really does take a village. We've moved the nuclear family unit far from jobs and extended family and hunkered down in individual boxes in a secluded place called the suburbs. These days its really hard to find true community with others in this fast paced and transient culture.
We were also not meant to out source our parenting responsibility either. That's my main issue with daycare. In moderation I see how it is a good thing (socialization and preparation for school), but its my desire to make sure my husband and I are the primary influences on our children. Some are able to find part time employment and childcare and still balance all of the finances, but it's a difficult puzzle to solve.
So what is the answer? What is the solution? I honestly do not know. We're all just figuring this out as we go and I think the solution is going to look different for everyone. For now, I'm going back to work full time and striving to keep my kids and my family at the top of my priority list, second only to my Jesus, the source of my hope and peace.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
31 feels pretty good
Well, I can say that I survived being pregnant now. I had nearly the whole package too. Morning sickness (lost 10 lbs in the first trimester). Heart burn like you wouldn't believe (I started sleeping sitting up on the couch about 4 or 5 months in and still needed nexium to sleep). Made two separate trips to the ER in the middle of the night, one for a subcorionic (spelling? ) hemorrhage and one for a 2 hour plus esophagus spasm. In the final trimester I started blowing up like a balloon and ended up having pre-eclampsia. The final result was a c section at 38 weeks because of the pre-eclampsia and because little man was breach. Where's my T-shirt, bumper sticker, and coffee mug?
Now here I sit on my birthday, and Jackson's original due date, holding this precious miracle sleeping in my arms. He's perfect and beautiful and I am so in love. It was all completely worth it, though I can't say we're planning to do it again (at least not on purpose). I'm also nearly back to normal so far as the swelling goes and I can sleep in my own bed again without taking nexium (happy dance). You know you were in bad shape when you feel better immediately after a c section than you did before. Jackson is even letting me get a reasonable amount of sleep (I probably just jinxed myself).
Munchkin has now officially been transferred to adoptions! We meet with his new adoption case worker next week and should hopefully have some more information regarding the time frame. His biological mom is still MIA, so the possibility of an open adoption is pretty much off the table.
Munchkin loves his new little brother and has been very good at being gentle with him. I can't believe how big he is now. He's using more and more words. He's showing some interest in using the potty (though I don't know that he's quite ready yet). The toddler tantrum phase has begun though... and Jackson will follow right behind him in another 18 months or so. :-) Yay...
I'm just so very much in love with our sweet little family though! I love both of my boys so much! The process was different with each one. With Munchkin the "birth pains" were more emotional and psychological. With Jackson they were predominantly physical. They are both worth every bit of it. Every curve ball. Every tear. We're not at the end of the adoption journey for Munchkin yet, but we're pretty darn close. We're quickly approaching the light at the end of the tunnel.
Today is a happy day. I have so much to be thankful for. 31 feels pretty good.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
A Rare Moment
When you're a mother and a wife and you work full time, moments alone are rare. I'm currently enjoying just such a moment. My husband is teaching the youth tonight at church. Munchkin and I stayed home for a scheduled visit with his CPS case worker (LOVE her and how hard she's worked for our Munchkin!!). Munchkin passed out about 30 minutes ago. When its bedtime for this little guy, he doesn't mess around. Give him his binkie and his blankie and he's out without a fuss. We're not really looking forward to phasing out the binkie... Dear Lord help us all.
So, what am I doing with this precious time I've been given this evening? I thought I would give you all an update and ask for your prayers on a few things.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant now, almost 33 weeks. Some women breeze through all of this, and then some of us, myself included, are quite uncomfortable most of the time. I can't eat a full meal (or I might throw up), I can't eat sushi or have a glass of wine (for obvious reasons), I can't sleep flat (indigestion), I can't sleep on my back (blood flow to the baby), I can't bend over to pick up things (I am likely the most awkward moving person I know at the moment, and you don't realize how often you bend over until you can't), I have a hard time putting on my own socks or clipping my toenails (can't reach them because of this massive belly), I get out of breath walking from one room to another (lung capacity diminishing by the second), holding Munchkin is interesting (my lap is disappearing as well and he's not super gentle, what toddler is), I have to wear dresses now (even maternity jeans at this point are super uncomfortable), I now have lovely kankles... There are actually much more unpleasant side effects that I won't go into because it could get arguably inappropriate, potentially hilarious, but inappropriate.
All that said, I'm glad to have this experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. We've had a rough and emotional process with Munchkin, which has been more than worth it. Now we're having a rough and emotional, though different, process with Jackson, and again, I know it will be more than worth it. I can't wait to meet him face to face. I wonder often what he'll look like and who's traits he will have, mine or Jeremy's or a mixture of both. Its like a real life science experiment!
On the Munchkin front. Things are still moving in the adoption direction. I just had a good visit with his CPS case worker and everything seems to be going really well. Praise God!!! He's going to let us keep our little man!!! He's walking confidently now and trying to run and keep up with the big kids. He says words like "uh oh, wow, ball, whoa, more, bye bye, mama, dada..." That's all I can remember at the moment. He's learning to feed himself pretty well. He knows where his belly button and his nose are and he wants to show you all the time. Be careful though, if he shows you his belly button, he'll want to see yours too. Its amazing to watch him grow and see his personality develop.
There's a sad side to this story at the moment though. Munchkin's biological mom has run away from her foster home. We don't know exactly where she is or if they're going to be able to find her any time soon. She has been gone now for 2 1/2 weeks. I worry about her, she's just a kid. I hope and pray that she's safe. If she doesn't re-surface before we finalize the adoption, an open adoption is obviously not going to happen, which makes me very sad. We've set up a picture sharing site for her, and if we can get an email address for her, we'll still try to share pictures with her. If you're the praying kind, please pray for her. I would really like for her to get her life in order and actually become a positive part of Munchkin's life. That is still my hope and will continue to be.
She carried him inside of her for 9 months, the same way I'm carrying Jackson. She loves this little guy, even if she doesn't know how to show it in the proper way. Having this pregnancy experience gives me even more compassion for her.
Ok, I only have about 20-30 minutes left of solitude... time to enjoy one of my addictions that I'm allowing myself because I'm pregnant... rootbeer float!!
Monday, January 5, 2015
A Year in Review
2014 will always be remembered in our family for sure. Here are a few notable moments:
-January-
We had a racially charged (from their side, not ours) confrontation with Munchkin's biological family via CPS conference call. A few of them were not happy in the beginning about the fact that we're very pasty white in complexion. It made us a little uneasy about future dealings with them, but it turned out not to be a huge problem after all, thank goodness. http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/01/up-down-and-round-and-round.html
-February-
We did respite care for a couple of toddler girls... which made us really re-think our family planning goals. Wow... we thought we wanted a sibling group of 2 or 3 dropped on us all at once... in addition to Munchkin... God knew better what we could handle of course and closed all doors that could have potentially led to that scenario.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/02/life-happens-perspectives-change.html
Jeremy got his college ring!!
-May-
We were asked to seriously consider taking in Munchkin's mom as a co-placement in our home when it was looking like she was likely to get him back. Our agency advised against it and CPS came to a point where they agreed with our agency. In retrospect, the right choice was made, it very likely would not have gone well. Again, God knew better was was best for Munchkin and what was best for us.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/05/fork-in-road.html
Munchkin took swimming lessons and loved it!!
-June-
I attended the matching picnic for adoptive families and children eligible for adoption... very awkward. We didn't end up submitting a home study on any of the kids there, but it sure opened my eyes to the need and has significantly influenced our plans for the somewhat distant future.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/06/awkward-sad-and-inspiring-all-in-one.html
-July-
We found out that we're pregnant!!! Morning sickness among other first trimester symptoms immediately came into full effect, which is one reason there was a rather large gap between blog posts at this time. Life is beautiful, right? :) My inability to function sealed Munchkin's selection of Jeremy as his favorite, which on the plus side I know will be helpful come March. Poor Jeremy though... he's a trooper and took very good care of both me and Munchkin.
-October-
Munchkin's mom was given a 6 month extension on the case, but in the same day the topic of an open adoption was laid on the table and gears on both sides started shifting. Her lawyer changing gears was the most significant and future altering piece of the puzzle.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/10/hopeful-anticipation.html
Munchkin had a birthday and took his first steps!!
We welcomed a new pastor and his family to our church. I'm really looking forward to seeing how God is going to use him to lead our church family and guide us in reaching out to our community.
-November-
Munchkin's mom verbally agreed to an open adoption and we found out that we're having a boy!!!
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-ball-is-rolling.html
We celebrated having Munchkin in our home for a full year.
Jeremy got to go hunting with his dad for the first time, who shot his first dear, and we now have a freezer full enough to last us all year long.
I began sleeping on the couch... oh indigestion exaggerated by pregnancy, and seasonal allergies, how I loath you.
-December-
Both of Munchkin's parents signed relinquishment papers!!! CPS and our agency told us it was safe to get excited. :)
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/12/lots-and-lots-of-happy-news.html
Jeremy and I celebrated 3 years of marriage!!
Deep breath... Here we come 2015! We'll welcome Jackson into our family in March and hopefully finalize the adoption of Munchkin by May. Jeremy will graduate in May as well. We have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be excited about. We might not get to sleep for much of it, but 2015 should be another memorable year. God only knows what all lies in store for us and our growing family.
-January-
We had a racially charged (from their side, not ours) confrontation with Munchkin's biological family via CPS conference call. A few of them were not happy in the beginning about the fact that we're very pasty white in complexion. It made us a little uneasy about future dealings with them, but it turned out not to be a huge problem after all, thank goodness. http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/01/up-down-and-round-and-round.html
-February-
We did respite care for a couple of toddler girls... which made us really re-think our family planning goals. Wow... we thought we wanted a sibling group of 2 or 3 dropped on us all at once... in addition to Munchkin... God knew better what we could handle of course and closed all doors that could have potentially led to that scenario.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/02/life-happens-perspectives-change.html
Jeremy got his college ring!!
-May-
We were asked to seriously consider taking in Munchkin's mom as a co-placement in our home when it was looking like she was likely to get him back. Our agency advised against it and CPS came to a point where they agreed with our agency. In retrospect, the right choice was made, it very likely would not have gone well. Again, God knew better was was best for Munchkin and what was best for us.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/05/fork-in-road.html
Munchkin took swimming lessons and loved it!!
-June-
I attended the matching picnic for adoptive families and children eligible for adoption... very awkward. We didn't end up submitting a home study on any of the kids there, but it sure opened my eyes to the need and has significantly influenced our plans for the somewhat distant future.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/06/awkward-sad-and-inspiring-all-in-one.html
-July-
We found out that we're pregnant!!! Morning sickness among other first trimester symptoms immediately came into full effect, which is one reason there was a rather large gap between blog posts at this time. Life is beautiful, right? :) My inability to function sealed Munchkin's selection of Jeremy as his favorite, which on the plus side I know will be helpful come March. Poor Jeremy though... he's a trooper and took very good care of both me and Munchkin.
-October-
Munchkin's mom was given a 6 month extension on the case, but in the same day the topic of an open adoption was laid on the table and gears on both sides started shifting. Her lawyer changing gears was the most significant and future altering piece of the puzzle.
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/10/hopeful-anticipation.html
Munchkin had a birthday and took his first steps!!
We welcomed a new pastor and his family to our church. I'm really looking forward to seeing how God is going to use him to lead our church family and guide us in reaching out to our community.
-November-
Munchkin's mom verbally agreed to an open adoption and we found out that we're having a boy!!!
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-ball-is-rolling.html
We celebrated having Munchkin in our home for a full year.
Jeremy got to go hunting with his dad for the first time, who shot his first dear, and we now have a freezer full enough to last us all year long.
I began sleeping on the couch... oh indigestion exaggerated by pregnancy, and seasonal allergies, how I loath you.
-December-
Both of Munchkin's parents signed relinquishment papers!!! CPS and our agency told us it was safe to get excited. :)
http://adoptedbythedavisfamily.blogspot.com/2014/12/lots-and-lots-of-happy-news.html
Jeremy and I celebrated 3 years of marriage!!
Deep breath... Here we come 2015! We'll welcome Jackson into our family in March and hopefully finalize the adoption of Munchkin by May. Jeremy will graduate in May as well. We have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be excited about. We might not get to sleep for much of it, but 2015 should be another memorable year. God only knows what all lies in store for us and our growing family.
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