We kept 2 and 3 year old little girls for another foster family last weekend... Goodness! No wonder people thought we were crazy for wanting 3 kids dropped on us all at once! We knew it would be hard, but can you say reality check? Its one thing when you gradually add one at a time over a period of years building up to 3 (easing into the sleep deprivation and exhaustion, like a frog in a pot of water slowly being brought to a boil), but all at once, that's a big big change.
We had a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but I seriously could have taken a 10 year long nap after that. I was going to try to do it all on my own, that's the really funny part. Jeremy works on Saturdays. About a week prior, he sat down with me and asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to try to get the day off?" What a good man I've got! I would have needed a 20 year nap if I had done it all myself.
I won't bore you with the details of the weekend, but I will say they left a lasting impression on us, as well as a nasty cold. I have to give props to their foster family though. This couple has 5 foster kidos and two biological children, they both work full time, and in a year and a half this is only the second time they've taken a weekend off. I put people like this in the Super Hero category.
After this experience, Jeremy and I both took a step back and reevaluated our own goals and abilities. It was looking like they might not match up. I'm not a quitter. I'm a woman of my word. In some ways I'm a bit prideful. I didn't want to admit that it would be too much for me on top of a full time job. I want to be a Super Hero too. But lets be realistic for just a minute... If we take on more than we can actually handle and end up doing a poor job by these kids, is that really beneficial to anyone?
So here's where we're at now... Munchkin's case could go on for more than a year before we have any real idea which way its going to go. We are going to have him for a while (hopefully forever, but at least a while). In addition to a baby, we can really only handle adding one child at a time, especially if they're under the age of 5. If one of us was full time, stay at home, we might feel differently, but this is our current reality. We're staying in on the sibling group of two we're currently short listed on, but they are both school age, and that we feel, is within our realm of ability as well.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that our goals and abilities will morph and change as we move through life. Its ok to stop and reevaluate and reassess your trajectory from time to time. And owning your limitations is not a sign of weakness. Being self aware in and of itself can be a great strength. At the same time listening to God's clear call in spite of those weaknesses at times can bring great blessing. So while we can't eliminate God's power and strength from the equation, we have to be sure, just how far he's calling us to step out. I don't want to get ahead of where he needs me to be.
There is no black and white. There is no formula. Life happens. The Spirit leads. Perspectives change.
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