This is what we signed up for. We signed up for the uncertainty and the risk. We signed up for this because these little lives are worth the risk and they are deserving of love even if they're stuck in a flawed system.
But there is no way to prepare your heart or your head for having a child taken from you.
There have been and will be tears and all the various stages of grief (though I preemptively began that process last week when I found out that this might happen). We may have only had our little booger for about 2 months, but we loved on him and treated him as if he were our own, and in our hearts he always will be.
He's not going back to the bad situation he was taken from. Where he's going we are led to believe he will be safe, loved and care for. Where he's going he will have both a mom a dad and he'll be reunited with a biological sibling, and they will be raised together in the same home. We are sad that it will not be our home.
Its going to be a somewhat gradual transition and it looks like we're going to get to meet his new family. We'll hopefully get to pass along the tid-bits of personal information on our booger. That is not typically how this works. We can share with them the formula that seems to set well with his tummy and what his current sleep schedule is. We're going to send him with pictures and the quilt that was so lovingly made for him by a dear friend of ours. Hopefully they will feel comfortable keeping us informed as to how he's doing.
We will miss him for sure, but I know that this means God has other children in mind for us. He just needed us to take care of Booger for a bit so that his forever family could get their bearings. The reasons given by the powers that be don't really matter, as illogical and unfair as they may seem. God is ultimately in control and he always has a reason and purpose. We are grateful for the time that we've had with him and the love we were able to show him.
And before you all go painting us as saints or these strong people that you could never be... My heart is very broken as is Jeremy's, and thoughts throwing in the towel have certainly crossed both of our minds. I've eaten my fair share of chocolate this last week and if we kept ice cream in the house it would be all gone. Our strength is not our own. Our hope is in Christ, and his call on our lives is to care for the orphaned.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:26-27
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:32-33
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Hopeful Anxiety
Our Booger is doing great. His tummy issues seem to be resolved for the most part. He's eating more and more, getting bigger and bigger, and sleeping better and better. And we're getting more and more attached.
Dealing with a government agency is always difficult and uncertain through no specific fault of any one individual involved. There are so many moving parts its mind boggling. The hopeful state we were previously in has been threatened a bit. Either way our Booger is going to be well loved and taken care of. No decisions have been made, and it will be a difficult decision for the powers that be, with pros and cons for either direction this could go. Again, I would not want to be the detached third party making these decisions affecting the futures of the children and families in question.
Never the less, my anxiety is mounting as we wait for their decision. It will bring big change for us either way. If the decision is not in our favor I will be devastated. If the decision is in our favor I will be overjoyed, but still heavy hearted for the other potential family in question.
I've been reminded over and over the last 24 hours that my hope needs to be in the Lord and not in people or the government. What ever happens, it was always in His plan, and He can see the bigger picture. My sight and perspective are finite and limited. I know what I want, but the problem with that statement is "I." Its not about me. It's about our Booger and God's plan for his life. All we can do is pray that God gives the powers that be wisdom and discernment in making their decision.
Dealing with a government agency is always difficult and uncertain through no specific fault of any one individual involved. There are so many moving parts its mind boggling. The hopeful state we were previously in has been threatened a bit. Either way our Booger is going to be well loved and taken care of. No decisions have been made, and it will be a difficult decision for the powers that be, with pros and cons for either direction this could go. Again, I would not want to be the detached third party making these decisions affecting the futures of the children and families in question.
Never the less, my anxiety is mounting as we wait for their decision. It will bring big change for us either way. If the decision is not in our favor I will be devastated. If the decision is in our favor I will be overjoyed, but still heavy hearted for the other potential family in question.
I've been reminded over and over the last 24 hours that my hope needs to be in the Lord and not in people or the government. What ever happens, it was always in His plan, and He can see the bigger picture. My sight and perspective are finite and limited. I know what I want, but the problem with that statement is "I." Its not about me. It's about our Booger and God's plan for his life. All we can do is pray that God gives the powers that be wisdom and discernment in making their decision.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Waiting Game Continues...
Jeremy has affectionately nicknamed our little one "Booger," and his full nickname is "Booger Bear." So I decided that for the purposes of this blog that will be his name, at least until he's ours and we can use his real name. There's just something about a grown man talking baby talk to an infant or small child that is beyond precious.
Booger is doing so well and teaching his new parents so much. If you think you're prepared for kids, you most defiantly are not. And if you think you ever could be truly prepared, you're living in a dream world I would love to move to. There's a good amount of fun and cuteness involved, but there's also a good amount of sleep deprivation and "Why is he crying? He's not hungry... Just changed his diaper..." Gas bubbles are your worst enemy! Anyway, we're learning a lot and enjoying even the difficult things, but all in all I think we got a cute and sweet little deal. He's growing like crazy, which is incredible to watch. His social interaction is developing and improving, which is also fun to watch and be a part of.
Yesterday we had an interesting meeting with all of the powers that be (CPS, CASA, the attorney, our agency case worker) all at the same time at our home. I was not entirely sure what to expect, but it turned out to be a wonderful thing. All of the different people working on Booger's case are fabulous and obviously care about his well being, which blesses and encourages my heart to no end.
The mysterious item mentioned in my last blog is still up in the air, which is very understandable. What you need to know about most social workers is that they are almost all young (20s and 30s) and they all at least start off wanting to change the world one child at a time. The problem is that they are all underpaid, overworked, and the things they deal with and witness on a regular basis are heart breaking and tragic. And while dealing with all of this, they have to make life long impacting choices for the children in their care and under their authority. Some of the decisions they have to make for these kids I know would keep me up at night wondering if I made the right decision. My heart goes out to them, and they have my understanding and compassion no matter how their decisions impact me and my Booger.
Don't stress though, they were kind enough to give me a 95% positive chance that we're going to get to keep our Booger. There is one looming factor that could pop up at any moment and take him that is outside of their control, but at the moment this one entity is not showing any interest or intent to seek custody. We just need to keep that in the back of our minds, but by no means allow it to affect the amount of love we shower on Booger Bear. He deserves every ounce of it and is so worth the potential heart break.
Booger is doing so well and teaching his new parents so much. If you think you're prepared for kids, you most defiantly are not. And if you think you ever could be truly prepared, you're living in a dream world I would love to move to. There's a good amount of fun and cuteness involved, but there's also a good amount of sleep deprivation and "Why is he crying? He's not hungry... Just changed his diaper..." Gas bubbles are your worst enemy! Anyway, we're learning a lot and enjoying even the difficult things, but all in all I think we got a cute and sweet little deal. He's growing like crazy, which is incredible to watch. His social interaction is developing and improving, which is also fun to watch and be a part of.
Yesterday we had an interesting meeting with all of the powers that be (CPS, CASA, the attorney, our agency case worker) all at the same time at our home. I was not entirely sure what to expect, but it turned out to be a wonderful thing. All of the different people working on Booger's case are fabulous and obviously care about his well being, which blesses and encourages my heart to no end.
The mysterious item mentioned in my last blog is still up in the air, which is very understandable. What you need to know about most social workers is that they are almost all young (20s and 30s) and they all at least start off wanting to change the world one child at a time. The problem is that they are all underpaid, overworked, and the things they deal with and witness on a regular basis are heart breaking and tragic. And while dealing with all of this, they have to make life long impacting choices for the children in their care and under their authority. Some of the decisions they have to make for these kids I know would keep me up at night wondering if I made the right decision. My heart goes out to them, and they have my understanding and compassion no matter how their decisions impact me and my Booger.
Don't stress though, they were kind enough to give me a 95% positive chance that we're going to get to keep our Booger. There is one looming factor that could pop up at any moment and take him that is outside of their control, but at the moment this one entity is not showing any interest or intent to seek custody. We just need to keep that in the back of our minds, but by no means allow it to affect the amount of love we shower on Booger Bear. He deserves every ounce of it and is so worth the potential heart break.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)