There's a wonderful song by John Waller that pretty much sums up life in general, if you ask me, called "While I'm Waiting."
Lyrics to While I'm Waiting :
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
I'm not always bold or confident, sometimes I lose sight of my hope, I'm rarely patient or peaceful, but this is the direction I want to grow in. My desire is to have faith like this and this whole foster/adopt process is certainly molding and transforming me in that direction for sure.
Things are looking good for us right now. We met our little one's CASA worker yesterday. She seems like a wonderful person. The CASA organization is something that I find really interesting. Court Appointed Special Advocate. She gave us a lot more information which came with a lot of good news and hope for us. The court case seems to be moving quickly and in our favor. There are potentially some new developments that could add some more excitement to our lives in the coming weeks and months. It would be a good thing if these new developments came to fruition, and it would be very nearly as crazy as having 8 hours notice prior to receiving an infant into our home. I'm going to hold back on saying much more just yet, and even as things develop, I'll have to stay somewhat vague. There's still a fairly high level of uncertainty as to if this will even happen and how it might go.
And that is where I'll leave you... In complete suspense so that you can practice waiting with me. Run the race my friends. A rudder is useless to guide and turn you if your boat isn't already moving. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the crazy ride.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Week Three Begins - Adjusting to our New Normal
Our little booger is precious, no doubt about it. Its starting to get hard to imagine life before him and we've only had him a little over two weeks. The nursery is almost ready, thanks to the generosity of so many (still need to do thank you notes... they're coming I promise) and the hard work of my sweetie. We're starting to get into a grove. We're figuring out his different cries and noises. He's grown so much already, its incredible.
I think the hardest part about this is the speed at which things can change, and without warning. Its the nature of how we're going about adopting. Many have told me they couldn't do what we're doing. Their hearts couldn't take it. Not gonna lie... It would break my heart to let this little guy go now. And six months from now, I can only imagine it would be ten times harder. But this is bigger than me or Jeremy.
In some of the classes we took through our agency in order to get licensed we learned some really interesting things about brain chemistry and how things during these first few months and years can have a significant impact on a great number of things. Its really incredible. So if nothing else, I can rest easy knowing that we're having a life long impact on this little guy. Even if we only have him for a little while, what we're doing for him now is important. Its not about us. Its about him. And God has called us to do as much as we can for him in the time that we have him, whether that be 6 months or 18 years (still hoping and praying for the 18 years).
I think the hardest part about this is the speed at which things can change, and without warning. Its the nature of how we're going about adopting. Many have told me they couldn't do what we're doing. Their hearts couldn't take it. Not gonna lie... It would break my heart to let this little guy go now. And six months from now, I can only imagine it would be ten times harder. But this is bigger than me or Jeremy.
In some of the classes we took through our agency in order to get licensed we learned some really interesting things about brain chemistry and how things during these first few months and years can have a significant impact on a great number of things. Its really incredible. So if nothing else, I can rest easy knowing that we're having a life long impact on this little guy. Even if we only have him for a little while, what we're doing for him now is important. Its not about us. Its about him. And God has called us to do as much as we can for him in the time that we have him, whether that be 6 months or 18 years (still hoping and praying for the 18 years).
Monday, July 15, 2013
Big change sometimes comes in a small package... unexpectedly and in a hurry
We were expecting a call last Monday from our agency regarding the sibling group mentioned in my two previous entries, but we were not expecting them to present us with another completely different opportunity. The call came at about 11:30am that there was a beautiful and healthy infant in need of a foster placement, and the child's case was very likely to move toward removal of parental rights and adoption. This is very rare. What's even more rare is that we were, at that moment, the only foster parents that had been called with this opportunity.
We said yes.
The next 4 hours were torture waiting for the call back to confirm that the child would be placed with us. Both Jeremy and myself were about to lose our minds. The excitement and immediately pending changes were just looming over our heads.
At about 3:30pm we got the confirmation and I rushed home to meet with our agency caseworker and sign all of the paper work with Jeremy. There was a slight delay and we were able to make an emergency target run for things like diapers and wipes and such.
The CPS caseworker arrived with our new little one at about 8pm to a welcoming party of our neighbors waiting in the driveway. I love our neighbors! This is only one of the many ways that they've blessed us.
By 9pm we were on our own. First time parents with a tiny baby. We had a pac n play that one of our friends at church had given us, a few things from my always prepared mother in law, a few things from the hospital, a few things from our agency, and the things we quickly purchased before he arrived, and that's it. There was no 9 month preparation. There was no decorated nursery and neatly organized changing table. I had been reading up on attachment at adoption for toddlers and young children, not about caring for an infant. Our preferred age range was 0-5. We honestly never thought we would actually get a 0 rather than a 5 year old.
We made it through the first night. My employers were so accommodating and let me take the week off to adjust. We sent out an email to our neighborhood Google group, posted our situation on Facebook, and then watched a flood of hand-me-downs and baby things come through our door over the next few days. Our friends, family, church, co-workers, and neighbors have really blessed us. We now have pretty much everything we need and enough gift cards to cover the remaining items.
Its been a crazy week full of change, chaos, love, faithfulness, miraculous provision, and very little sleep. We're loving every minute of this! Though I am more than ready for things to level out a bit and for us to get into a more consistent routine. I think I've probably lost about 5 lbs, just because we keep forgetting to eat. If our friends, family and neighbors hadn't been bringing us food, I probably would have lost at least 10 lbs by now.
Week 1 down... there shall be more to come...
We said yes.
The next 4 hours were torture waiting for the call back to confirm that the child would be placed with us. Both Jeremy and myself were about to lose our minds. The excitement and immediately pending changes were just looming over our heads.
At about 3:30pm we got the confirmation and I rushed home to meet with our agency caseworker and sign all of the paper work with Jeremy. There was a slight delay and we were able to make an emergency target run for things like diapers and wipes and such.
The CPS caseworker arrived with our new little one at about 8pm to a welcoming party of our neighbors waiting in the driveway. I love our neighbors! This is only one of the many ways that they've blessed us.
By 9pm we were on our own. First time parents with a tiny baby. We had a pac n play that one of our friends at church had given us, a few things from my always prepared mother in law, a few things from the hospital, a few things from our agency, and the things we quickly purchased before he arrived, and that's it. There was no 9 month preparation. There was no decorated nursery and neatly organized changing table. I had been reading up on attachment at adoption for toddlers and young children, not about caring for an infant. Our preferred age range was 0-5. We honestly never thought we would actually get a 0 rather than a 5 year old.
We made it through the first night. My employers were so accommodating and let me take the week off to adjust. We sent out an email to our neighborhood Google group, posted our situation on Facebook, and then watched a flood of hand-me-downs and baby things come through our door over the next few days. Our friends, family, church, co-workers, and neighbors have really blessed us. We now have pretty much everything we need and enough gift cards to cover the remaining items.
Its been a crazy week full of change, chaos, love, faithfulness, miraculous provision, and very little sleep. We're loving every minute of this! Though I am more than ready for things to level out a bit and for us to get into a more consistent routine. I think I've probably lost about 5 lbs, just because we keep forgetting to eat. If our friends, family and neighbors hadn't been bringing us food, I probably would have lost at least 10 lbs by now.
Week 1 down... there shall be more to come...
Friday, July 5, 2013
A Tender Heart
Some would see a tender heart as a weakness, but I think its a strength. Its a tragedy when tender hearts are hardened by the struggle that is this life. I would argue that maintaining a tender heart, in spite of painful and difficult experiences, is brave and courageous.
We don't feel like God is calling us to take on the challenge that I mentioned vaguely in my last blog entry. Lets just say that the children in question where much older than we're considering, but because of a familiar connection our hearts were open to re-thinking our previously set boundaries. Upon coming to this conclusion, even though we have a peace about our decision, I cried and mourned for these children for probably 3 hours on Wednesday night and they are obviously still on my heart now. Even though I have never met them, they were just more real to me than the pictures we've looked at on the various state and non-profit adoption web sites for some reason (not that those precious kiddos aren't real).
I will continue to pray for them and hope for them. May God bring people into their lives that will care deeply for them. May God use their story for his glory. My hope is that they find joy and love and peace and purpose. My hope is that they find healing and closure from their past.
My prayer for Jeremy and I is that we continue to listen to God and allow him to direct us to the children he has for us. May we keep our tender hearts even though we're going to potentially see and deal with some deep and damaging hurts.
There's a reason CPS has such a high turn over. A person can only witness these atrocities for so long before they get calloused and burnt out. I can only imagine that they begin to feel as though the problem is too big and they're not really making a difference. My prayer for our case workers and advocates is that they keep their tender hearts. May they bravely bear the pain and burden of these defenseless and helpless little ones. May they find a supportive group or church that will love on them and encourage them to press on in doing good things for the least of these.
Galatians 6:9
We don't feel like God is calling us to take on the challenge that I mentioned vaguely in my last blog entry. Lets just say that the children in question where much older than we're considering, but because of a familiar connection our hearts were open to re-thinking our previously set boundaries. Upon coming to this conclusion, even though we have a peace about our decision, I cried and mourned for these children for probably 3 hours on Wednesday night and they are obviously still on my heart now. Even though I have never met them, they were just more real to me than the pictures we've looked at on the various state and non-profit adoption web sites for some reason (not that those precious kiddos aren't real).
I will continue to pray for them and hope for them. May God bring people into their lives that will care deeply for them. May God use their story for his glory. My hope is that they find joy and love and peace and purpose. My hope is that they find healing and closure from their past.
My prayer for Jeremy and I is that we continue to listen to God and allow him to direct us to the children he has for us. May we keep our tender hearts even though we're going to potentially see and deal with some deep and damaging hurts.
There's a reason CPS has such a high turn over. A person can only witness these atrocities for so long before they get calloused and burnt out. I can only imagine that they begin to feel as though the problem is too big and they're not really making a difference. My prayer for our case workers and advocates is that they keep their tender hearts. May they bravely bear the pain and burden of these defenseless and helpless little ones. May they find a supportive group or church that will love on them and encourage them to press on in doing good things for the least of these.
Galatians 6:9
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
"You can't save them all..."
We've been given so much good advice coming from places of wisdom and experience. Specifically we've been given advice to know our limits and be realistic about what we can handle. Its so heart breaking though, to hear the stories and statistics, and feel powerless to really make a difference. We have to remember that God is bigger than all of this and he has a plan and a purpose.
We've already been in a few situations where we've had to make some hard choices. One in particular we haven't closed the book on yet. I don't know if God's asking us to take this step of faith, because that's exactly what it would be, but if He is... I don't want to look back and wonder what could have been accomplished if we had chosen to be obedient and trust him for the strength to do something hard. I also don't want to let our "savior complex," as my mom would call it, get the better of us, and allow us to romanticize the real challenges we would be facing. Is God even going to open this door as a real possibility (there's so much red tape and bureaucracy that could eliminate even having the opportunity to choose)? If God does open the door, does he mean for us to walk through it? We need to be certain, because this is no small thing, with potential for both beauty and disaster.
We've already been in a few situations where we've had to make some hard choices. One in particular we haven't closed the book on yet. I don't know if God's asking us to take this step of faith, because that's exactly what it would be, but if He is... I don't want to look back and wonder what could have been accomplished if we had chosen to be obedient and trust him for the strength to do something hard. I also don't want to let our "savior complex," as my mom would call it, get the better of us, and allow us to romanticize the real challenges we would be facing. Is God even going to open this door as a real possibility (there's so much red tape and bureaucracy that could eliminate even having the opportunity to choose)? If God does open the door, does he mean for us to walk through it? We need to be certain, because this is no small thing, with potential for both beauty and disaster.
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