Just Another Tuesday

Well, have I got a story to tell you!  We had quite a Tuesday...

Yesterday morning we knew that the selection staffing for a sibling group we'd been short listed on was scheduled to happen.  After it was over our agency case worker called us to tell us we had not been selected.  Of course we were pretty down about that.

It had come down to four families including ours, and we were all on a fairly even playing field.  The factor that eliminated us was that we have only been married for a couple years and we are by their definition still "newly weds."  This is not the first time we've been eliminated as a potential adoptive placement based on the fact that we haven't been married "long enough."

We had already talked about opening back up to promising emergency foster placements and legal risk adoptive placements if this particular set of siblings didn't work out, but the reoccurring reason for not being selected sealed it for us.  It was going to likely be years before we would be selected for a straight adoptive placement just because we needed to be married a little longer.  If we were going to continue pursuing adoption through the foster care system, we had to take a little more risk and put our hearts on the line.

We communicated this desire to our agency case worker and within less than two hours we had received calls for two cases, an infant emergency placement that needed to be placed last night and a sibling group of two that needed to be placed by Monday of next week.  We said to put our name in the hat on both cases.

Within four hours we were picking up a sweet baby to take home and we've been loving on him all day.  Such a cutie!!  It kills me that I can't share pictures, but there's a very good reason for that.

We left our name in the hat for the sibling group as well (we're crazy and got licensed for up to 3 kids at a time) but it's very unlikely that they will select us since we just got an infant with some minor medical needs.  Our current thinking is that if we end up still being the best choice for them, then its God's will and he'll give us the strength, patience and endurance to do it.

I thing that I don't really understand is how putting a "newly wed" couple in a situation where they have 4 hours notice before getting a little baby and/or a pair of toddler to school age children would put less stress on their marriage than giving them all of the information on a set of kids, maybe a couple pre-adoption placement visits, with a set time line and the certainty of an adoptive placement...  Maybe this is a test?

Goodness Gracious...

I am a project manager.  I hold all the little pieces together, make sure we're following all the rules (building code), delegate tasks to others, try to keep to the project schedule, and try to make the client happy with the design for multiple projects at a time.  I understand stress and I get mind mush moments.  I've sent emails that were not all together clear or referring to the wrong project all together.  I've been there.  I think we all have at one time or another.

When it comes to dealing with professionals who handle the lives of children though, we as parents can become a little ungracious and indignant.  Whether they be an overloaded CPS case worker (in our particular situation) or your child's kindergarten teacher, we expect the best for our kids.  We forget that they are doing the same juggling act that we are.  The case worker probably has 60 plus cases in her case load, all equally important, life altering and urgent.  The kindergarten teacher has a room full of kids at various stages of intellectual and behavioral development that she has to try to cater to within a limited amount of time and space.  We hold them to a higher standard, sometimes with unrealistic expectations in our less than ideal real world environment.  We forget that they are underpaid, over worked, and need to have a life outside of their occupation just as much as we do.

This week someone made a mistake.  It was not malicious or intentional.  It was a mistake.

On Monday morning our agency called us to give us the exciting news that we were the final selection for an adoptive placement (100% sure thing no risk involved) for a sibling group of two that we had submitted our home study on.  Of course we were ecstatic!  We started telling all of our friends and family.  We started thinking about our holiday plans.  The planner in me was anxious to know what the transition schedule was going to be and how much time we had to get their rooms ready.

Then on Tuesday we got another call from our agency to give us some less exciting news.  It turns out that there was a miss communication between CPS and our agency.  The email CPS had previously sent was worded in such a way that it was easily deduced that we were the final selection for these kidos, but the reality was that we were just selected for the short list, and that they would be making the final selection from this short list by the end of the month.  If we had gotten this news first it would have been wonderful news, but in light of what we had been told on Monday, our moral plummeted for a bit.

Its Thursday now and we've recovered from our plummet.  We are back in good spirits.  We're on the short list for two sibling groups now and should hopefully know something on both of them by the end of the month.  More waiting, yes, but they're worth it.  We can't use this broken disjointed system as an excuse to pull out and do nothing.  And we can't become calloused and bitter toward the CPS case workers that cross our paths.  They're human and in need of grace and much as the rest of us.

What will the Holidays Bring?

We have our home study (description of us) submitted on several sibling groups now, all of which will be making their final selection for adoptive placements before the Christmas holidays, perhaps even before Thanksgiving.  There are several possibilities before us.  We could have none, one or two children.  They range from ages 3 to 8 years old.  We could have one boy, two boys, or one boy and one girl.  They are comprised of a variety of ethnicities and hair care needs.  As you can probably tell, I have a spread sheet of scenarios running through my head.  Potential to do lists and shopping lists for every possible out come.

I'm a little giddy at the thought that this could be our first Christmas with our future kidos.  I've been watching the Disney Chanel lately so I can see the toy commercials.  Toys have changed!  They've gotten cooler and cheesier all at the same time.  I saw this remote control hover craft plane thing that I kind of want for myself.  But what they've done to My Little Pony, Care Bears and Strawberry Short Cake is a tragedy!  For shame, for shame!

Anyway...  Again, here we are with the uncertainty.  Its exciting, joyous, terrifying and nerve raking all at the same time.  I'm normally not a huge fan of change, but God is changing my heart a bit.  Change can be good and change requires that I trust him.  Uncertainty requires that I trust him with the details and logistics.  I have to hand over my lists and spread sheets.  Its rather liberating to be honest.  After my college study abroad experience where I was planning everything regarding my travel and accommodations, going on a vacation with my family where Mom and Dad had planned and paid for everything was a breath of fresh air.  I could just sit back and enjoy the ride, and with my new perspective I really appreciated it.  That's kind of how I feel at the moment.  Just coasting in the back seat, trusting that my heavenly father has it all under control, and that its going to be breath taking.