Awkward, Sad and Inspiring All in One

I had an interesting new experience this weekend.  I went to a "matching picnic."  It was an event put on by some local service organizations for foster kids eligible for adoption and prospective adoptive families to mix and mingle over some games, activities and lunch.

We'll start with the awkward:

1. Flying solo - Jeremy was not able to get off work for the event so I was there alone and most of the adoptive families were represented as couples.  And I felt really odd trying to approach kids on my own to try to get to know them a little.

2. Inherent discomfort - It was like going to a mixer for singles except a whole lot more was a stake.  If you fear rejection from a potential significant other, just try to imagine how vulnerable these kids felt about the possibility of rejection from a potential mom or dad.  It was awkward on both sides.

Next we'll go to the sad:

1. The majority of the kids there were teenagers and pre-teens - Teenagers have such a hard time getting adopted.  At some point they are given the option to take themselves out of the running and just chose to age out of the system alone.  But these kids were still showing up, some less than a year from turning 18, to events like these in hopes that someone would want them.  It just broke my heart.  Made me want to change our objective and license parameters.  Jeremy and I have talked about it, and we do want to figure out how to adopt a teenager at some point, even if its not right now.

2. Preferential Treatment - The majority of the couples there looking to adopt were hovering over the the younger kids.  I ended up just hanging back and observing for the most part.  I refused to join in the competition for their attention and affection.  Little hearts and minds hung in the balance here, not to mention all of the teenagers also watching this obvious preferential treatment.

Lets wrap up the summation with inspiring:

While I was being my wall flower self, this young woman, not quite 17 years old, approached and engaged me (and many other couples) in conversation multiple times.  She was very purposeful, sweet, transparent and genuine.  She was a breath of fresh air in this room full of people with not so hidden agendas.  Among the couples on the prowl (they're doing something good, I know, that's just how it felt), oblivious youngsters, attention seeking pre-teens, and skeptical teenagers, she was a breath of fresh air.  I spoke with a few other couples and they felt the same way about her.

She shared her story with me, how she ended up in foster care and the way that has impacted her life to date.  She shared her goals and dreams and aspirations.  She plans to take full advantage of the financial assistance the state will provide for her college education.  She shared her reservations about and simultaneous hopes for an adoptive family for her and her younger sister.

We both admitted how awkward this whole thing really was for everyone.  I think it felt really good for both of us to say that out loud.

She asked me real questions about myself, like what I did for a living, where I went to college, what area I lived in, what age kids I was licensed for, if I currently had any kids, and if I was wanting to adopt.  Blew me away!  Won me over!  Made me want to take her home even though I feel way to young to be her mom!  I could see the disappointment in her face when I told her we were only licensed through age 10...

I left that afternoon questioning everything.  My stomach in knots.  What do I do with this?  What was the purpose of God crossing our paths?  I'm not sure what I was expecting to encounter at the picnic, but that wasn't it.

Jeremy and I are still processing and praying through this.  Right now we're moving forward with our current plans and asking God to make it really clear if he wants us to shift directions.  We are most definitely considering fostering/adopting teenagers later on when we have more parenting experience.  My fear is that we'll wear ourselves out and not follow through on that though.  We shall see I guess.  If you would keep us in your prayers.  Pray that we listen to God and follow his Spirit's direction as we navigate the world of CPS.

Jeremiah 29:11 - My Life Verse

I had a really hard time finding a title for this post.  I've been mulling over it for a few days now.  Jeremiah 29:11 pretty much sums up my life and its what I cling to when there are too many variables for me to plan in my OCD sort of way.  It seems appropriate today as well.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)

Back in November we were told that we were "selected" as an adoptive placement for a sibling group of two, a 3 year old boy and a 6 year old girl.  Then a few days later we were told there had been a mistake and we were not actually selected, we had just made the short list (final four families).  Next there was a week of waiting to find out the final decision.  The morning we found out we were not selected was the morning of the day before Thanksgiving.  That afternoon we got the call for Munchkin needing a foster placement and we picked him up that night.  Complete devastation and hopelessness to adrenaline rush and joy all in less than 24 hours.

Fast forward 6 months...  Last Friday afternoon I got a call from our agency letting us know that the adoptive placement that had been selected for this sibling group had fallen through and wasn't going to work out after all and that they were taking home studies for these two again.  They wanted to know if we wanted to throw our names in the hat again.  I won't get into all of the reasons why it didn't work out with the other family, but rest assured, it was nothing scary enough to deter us.  So of course we said yes!  Even though we've never met these children and had not even seen a picture of them until last week, for a blip in time back in November, they were ours.

My heart is currently aching for them with sorrow over the hurtful situation they find themselves in, and with desire to bring them home if ours is the home God has planned for them.  The rejection of a family that is supposed to be your "forever family" as CPS calls it, has to be incredibly painful.

We also have our home study submitted on a few other single children at the moment.  Lots of things up in the air.  I've started an IKEA shopping list for each of them, because I'm a nut like that, and want to be prepared in some fashion for the many possible combinations and outcomes.  That and Pentrist curb my need to plan a bit.  If anyone is interested, we're trying to sell our pool table to make a little more room for kiddos.

And I'm still keeping to my goal of living in the moment and enjoying the in between!  Munchkin loved getting in the pool for his first swimming lesson!!  So much cuteness!  We have a fearless little dare devil on our hands! It kills me that I can't post a pic or video clip.

That's all I've got for now folks.  We'll keep you posted.