As I sit here in my last week of maternity leave, holding a sleeping baby with one arm and typing with the other, I'm thinking on a few conclusions I've come to in the last few days.
The big decision for many parents is, do we figure out if we can afford to stay home with our children, or do we fall in line with the now majority of Americans and put our kids in daycare and go to work? For us, having one of us stay home isn't really a viable option at the moment. At first this reality was heart breaking to me (and still is to an extent), but after this past weekend, I think it might actually be what's best for us at the moment.
We've kept our 19 month old Munchkin in his pre-school daycare throughout my maternity leave, so I hadn't really experienced the full effect of having 2 under 2 for more than a couple hours here and there (and even then, my mom has been helping me a lot). This past Saturday my husband had to work, and I decided to see how well I could handle a 2 month old and a toddler on my own for an entire day.
The day started off rough to begin with. Munchkin is cutting some teeth and he woke up super grumpy. Then Daddy left him... then he had to share Mommy with Jackson... then Mommy had to tell him "no"... then Mommy had to tell him "no" again... and again... and again... and again... You get the idea. For the better part of the first 4 hours of the day we were in a full on screaming, wailing, snot pouring, throwing ourselves on the couch, floor or ottoman, tantrum. Jackson held it together beautifully for a little while and then he cracked too. I found myself thinking, if I can just make it till nap time... and I did. (sigh)
But then the reality hit me... they are both going to wake up! Dear Lord help me!
My mom, poor mom, made the mistake of calling to check on me at that very moment. For a split second the thought ran through my head, "Is proving I can do it really worth it?" Every inch of my mind, body and soul instantly screamed "H*** No!" Needless to say, my mommy came to my rescue and the afternoon went oh so much better than the morning did.
This experience left me feeling really defeated for not sucking it up and doing for one day what so many stay at home moms do every day. After posting my self disappointment on Facebook, many fellow mommies sent me sweet words of support, encouragement and solidarity. After talking with several veteran moms since I've come to this conclusion, none of the options available in our culture are really how God designed all of this to work...
We were not meant to parent in isolation. It really does take a village. We've moved the nuclear family unit far from jobs and extended family and hunkered down in individual boxes in a secluded place called the suburbs. These days its really hard to find true community with others in this fast paced and transient culture.
We were also not meant to out source our parenting responsibility either. That's my main issue with daycare. In moderation I see how it is a good thing (socialization and preparation for school), but its my desire to make sure my husband and I are the primary influences on our children. Some are able to find part time employment and childcare and still balance all of the finances, but it's a difficult puzzle to solve.
So what is the answer? What is the solution? I honestly do not know. We're all just figuring this out as we go and I think the solution is going to look different for everyone. For now, I'm going back to work full time and striving to keep my kids and my family at the top of my priority list, second only to my Jesus, the source of my hope and peace.
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