The last few weeks we've submitted our home study for three different sibling groups who are fully eligible for adoption. Each of them is one boy and one girl ranging from 3 to 7 years old. One of them we found on line at The Heart Gallery of Texas
and the other two were referred to us by our agency. Two of them came with very brief and positive descriptions and the other set came with more information including some hard things to swallow. We chose to submit on all three, even the third, who seemed to have more issues and baggage.
This last week Jeremy and I have had several discussions about how much we can really handle. Its one thing to read about hypothetical or obscure case studies in a book or hear testimonies from other foster/adoptive parents. Its another thing all together to read these profiles with the mind set that these kids might become our reality. We're looking at knowingly inviting chaos into our home and promising to be their forever family. I always suspected that the brief and entirely positive profiles were in reality every bit as heart breaking as the third profile. We found out yesterday that I am most likely right.
Yesterday we received some exciting news! We made the short list for the first sibling group we submitted our home study for a few weeks ago. The silence and waiting regarding these kids had left me thinking that we hadn't made the cut, so when the news came I was pleasantly surprised and, to put it mildly, about to jump right out of my skin!!!
When you make the short list they send you more information on the kids. There are standardized tests and evaluations for everything... I had no idea. You get everything from psych evaluations, learning disabilities, medications, their CPS case history, their likes and dislikes... We're talking 25-30 pages of information that just leaves you shaking your head.
By the time most kids in the system get to the point where parental rights have been terminated and they are eligible for adoption, they have likely been in and out of the system for at least 3 to 5 years. They've been back and forth between foster homes and the home they were removed from. For these sweet little ones it makes for a life of unpredictable chaos, fear, anxiety, depression, instability, and distrust in adults. There is a history of neglect, abuse, or both. If this had been my reality as a small child, I would be a very different person.
These kidos became so much more real to me yesterday. We want to rescue them from this hell that they did not choose or deserve, but do we have what it takes? Apart from Christ we do not. We have to really be in check of our motives. If its about me being the hero, I will be sorely dissapointed when these kids are resentful of me rather than grateful.
They have been with a loving foster family now for a while, whom they've made progress with and are getting more comfortable with. We will potentially be the ones who are taking them away from what they know is familiar and safe. They are in counseling to be prepped for adoption. This is necessary because most kids in the system have a lot of anxiety over being moved, even when its in their best interests. We will have to earn their trust and show them that we are equally safe and allow them time to become familiar with us. It will mean embarrassing grocery store scenes and trips to meet with the school counselor. It will mean cutting back on our other commitments to friends, church and family so that we can make the initial investment. It will mean a lot of sacrifice with not much thanks if any, at least in the beginning.
My prayer and request of all of you who may encounter us or who will encounter us once we get our kids home (whom ever they may be), please show them and us a crazy amount of grace and patience. They very well might come off like little monsters. They might be in full on survival mode, only accessing their brain stem, and processing inadequately their new environment. Jeremy and I will likely be a grumpy and frazzled mess. If I snap at you, my sincerest apologies in advance.
All that said... Still so excited!!!!!!! Even if we don't get these two, its nice to feel like things are in motion. Waiting is hard and I needed a light at the end of the tunnel, even if its a chaotic, multi-colored strobe.
My brother and sister in Christ. You are prepared for this, God is there for you, and he has surrounded you with more family and friends than you can imagine. We are all here to support you in whatever may come. All you need to do is express you need and we (as an army) will be there for you. We want to travel this journey with you. We love you. Do not be afraid of asking for help, or embarrassed to accept support - we give from our heart, it is not weakness, it strengthens us all - we are a family, stronger by our bonds.
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