For those of you who I don't talk to regularly and give updates to personally, we're still in limbo with Munchkin. The hard decision we were going to have to make mentioned in my last post has been taken off our plate of things to consider for the moment. We still have no idea which way this is going to go. We have a pretty good idea that we'll for sure have him through his first birthday (in the fall) but you know as well as I do at this point that could change at any minute.
We're ready for summer time in the Davis house. We got Munchkin an infant life jacket, some poop catching baby swim trunks, an awesome little fishin hat, some baby sun screen... now all we need is for things to warm up enough that the water isn't too shockingly cold for his first swim. Crazy Texas weather. We've got him signed up for parent/child swim lessons at the Y!!! Soooooo excited!!! My dad's going to get his boat all fixed up and ready to go and we're looking at going camping near the end of the summer with some friends.
Life is good. Learning to have peace in limbo and enjoy every moment of the in between.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Fork in the Road
There are a lot of things I don't really want to do, but I know its right, and I know I should, so I do them. I don't always want to go to work and be responsible for multi-million dollar projects, but I need to earn a living for myself and my family, and I want to leave a legacy of hard work for my kids. Sometimes, I'm so tired at the end of the day that I just want to fall into bed, but I take the time to brush my teeth anyway, because I don't want to get a cavity. Sometimes I want to be lazy, but I take the time to love my husband in the way he receives it best, acts of service, because I love him and I want him to know it and feel it. I always want ice cream, always, but I don't even buy it at the grocery store because I know I would eat it and I know its not good for my health. There are hundreds of things daily that we all do, not because we want to, but because we're responsible and considerate people.
So the question today is not about what I want to do. The question today is about what I should or should not do. If I based every decision on what I wanted to do or not do, my life would be defined by selfishness and in the end would turn into a very destructive pattern to be perfectly honest. What I want is not always good for me or anyone else.
My husband and I have a very big decision before us this morning that we are conferencing with our foster/adopt agency about in just a couple hours. If you happen to come across this blog today, please say a prayer for us. Pray that we follow God in this and not our own selfish agenda. Pray that God would give us courage, clarity, discernment and wisdom. We want to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward our Savior, but only if he's calling us to in this particular situation, only if this is where he is truly leading. To be perfectly honest, we're a bit scared of either of the two possible outcomes this morning. Both scenarios could include an element of sacrifice and/or loss that we had not previously factored into our plans.
So the question today is not about what I want to do. The question today is about what I should or should not do. If I based every decision on what I wanted to do or not do, my life would be defined by selfishness and in the end would turn into a very destructive pattern to be perfectly honest. What I want is not always good for me or anyone else.
My husband and I have a very big decision before us this morning that we are conferencing with our foster/adopt agency about in just a couple hours. If you happen to come across this blog today, please say a prayer for us. Pray that we follow God in this and not our own selfish agenda. Pray that God would give us courage, clarity, discernment and wisdom. We want to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward our Savior, but only if he's calling us to in this particular situation, only if this is where he is truly leading. To be perfectly honest, we're a bit scared of either of the two possible outcomes this morning. Both scenarios could include an element of sacrifice and/or loss that we had not previously factored into our plans.
Friday, April 25, 2014
No News is Good News, Right? The Statuesque on Hold...
Waiting... waiting... waiting...
We know we're going to have Munchkin through the summer and that's a blessing, but after September we have no idea what's going to happen. In a way I feel like I can rest easy at the moment knowing that, but at the same time its always in the back of my mind.
We're also moving toward adding to our family the "old fashioned" way. We'll see how that goes. I know so many couples that have struggled with infertility recently and it really breaks my heart. When we first started this foster/adopt process, I had some naive and judgmental feelings toward those who didn't want to consider adoption and only wanted biological kids, no matter how expensive the process became. Knowing now first hand how hard this CPS road is and how equally uncertain it can be, I can't look at these couples the same way and I want to apologize for my over zealous and ignorant opinions.
If you're morning the loss of a dream like having a child naturally, you're likely in no state of mind to jump into the world of CPS. You need to do some healing and grieving first before you even consider any form of adoption, all of which come with a certain level of risk and potential for heart break. You need to put your marriage first in this instance and make sure the two of you are really ready to move on, both of you. If you bring an at risk child into a grieving and unstable home... well, you can do the math. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider it, I'm just cautioning that you need to make sure you're both ready.
There is a lot of potential for change on our horizon. The possibility of a new baby or not, the possibility of another adoptive placement or not, the possibility that we'll get to keep Munchkin or not... So many variables, but one thing remains the same for us, our hope in Christ. He is our steady rock and our strength.
We know we're going to have Munchkin through the summer and that's a blessing, but after September we have no idea what's going to happen. In a way I feel like I can rest easy at the moment knowing that, but at the same time its always in the back of my mind.
We're also moving toward adding to our family the "old fashioned" way. We'll see how that goes. I know so many couples that have struggled with infertility recently and it really breaks my heart. When we first started this foster/adopt process, I had some naive and judgmental feelings toward those who didn't want to consider adoption and only wanted biological kids, no matter how expensive the process became. Knowing now first hand how hard this CPS road is and how equally uncertain it can be, I can't look at these couples the same way and I want to apologize for my over zealous and ignorant opinions.
If you're morning the loss of a dream like having a child naturally, you're likely in no state of mind to jump into the world of CPS. You need to do some healing and grieving first before you even consider any form of adoption, all of which come with a certain level of risk and potential for heart break. You need to put your marriage first in this instance and make sure the two of you are really ready to move on, both of you. If you bring an at risk child into a grieving and unstable home... well, you can do the math. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider it, I'm just cautioning that you need to make sure you're both ready.
There is a lot of potential for change on our horizon. The possibility of a new baby or not, the possibility of another adoptive placement or not, the possibility that we'll get to keep Munchkin or not... So many variables, but one thing remains the same for us, our hope in Christ. He is our steady rock and our strength.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Life Happens - Perspectives Change
We kept 2 and 3 year old little girls for another foster family last weekend... Goodness! No wonder people thought we were crazy for wanting 3 kids dropped on us all at once! We knew it would be hard, but can you say reality check? Its one thing when you gradually add one at a time over a period of years building up to 3 (easing into the sleep deprivation and exhaustion, like a frog in a pot of water slowly being brought to a boil), but all at once, that's a big big change.
We had a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but I seriously could have taken a 10 year long nap after that. I was going to try to do it all on my own, that's the really funny part. Jeremy works on Saturdays. About a week prior, he sat down with me and asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to try to get the day off?" What a good man I've got! I would have needed a 20 year nap if I had done it all myself.
I won't bore you with the details of the weekend, but I will say they left a lasting impression on us, as well as a nasty cold. I have to give props to their foster family though. This couple has 5 foster kidos and two biological children, they both work full time, and in a year and a half this is only the second time they've taken a weekend off. I put people like this in the Super Hero category.
After this experience, Jeremy and I both took a step back and reevaluated our own goals and abilities. It was looking like they might not match up. I'm not a quitter. I'm a woman of my word. In some ways I'm a bit prideful. I didn't want to admit that it would be too much for me on top of a full time job. I want to be a Super Hero too. But lets be realistic for just a minute... If we take on more than we can actually handle and end up doing a poor job by these kids, is that really beneficial to anyone?
So here's where we're at now... Munchkin's case could go on for more than a year before we have any real idea which way its going to go. We are going to have him for a while (hopefully forever, but at least a while). In addition to a baby, we can really only handle adding one child at a time, especially if they're under the age of 5. If one of us was full time, stay at home, we might feel differently, but this is our current reality. We're staying in on the sibling group of two we're currently short listed on, but they are both school age, and that we feel, is within our realm of ability as well.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that our goals and abilities will morph and change as we move through life. Its ok to stop and reevaluate and reassess your trajectory from time to time. And owning your limitations is not a sign of weakness. Being self aware in and of itself can be a great strength. At the same time listening to God's clear call in spite of those weaknesses at times can bring great blessing. So while we can't eliminate God's power and strength from the equation, we have to be sure, just how far he's calling us to step out. I don't want to get ahead of where he needs me to be.
There is no black and white. There is no formula. Life happens. The Spirit leads. Perspectives change.
We had a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but I seriously could have taken a 10 year long nap after that. I was going to try to do it all on my own, that's the really funny part. Jeremy works on Saturdays. About a week prior, he sat down with me and asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to try to get the day off?" What a good man I've got! I would have needed a 20 year nap if I had done it all myself.
I won't bore you with the details of the weekend, but I will say they left a lasting impression on us, as well as a nasty cold. I have to give props to their foster family though. This couple has 5 foster kidos and two biological children, they both work full time, and in a year and a half this is only the second time they've taken a weekend off. I put people like this in the Super Hero category.
After this experience, Jeremy and I both took a step back and reevaluated our own goals and abilities. It was looking like they might not match up. I'm not a quitter. I'm a woman of my word. In some ways I'm a bit prideful. I didn't want to admit that it would be too much for me on top of a full time job. I want to be a Super Hero too. But lets be realistic for just a minute... If we take on more than we can actually handle and end up doing a poor job by these kids, is that really beneficial to anyone?
So here's where we're at now... Munchkin's case could go on for more than a year before we have any real idea which way its going to go. We are going to have him for a while (hopefully forever, but at least a while). In addition to a baby, we can really only handle adding one child at a time, especially if they're under the age of 5. If one of us was full time, stay at home, we might feel differently, but this is our current reality. We're staying in on the sibling group of two we're currently short listed on, but they are both school age, and that we feel, is within our realm of ability as well.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that our goals and abilities will morph and change as we move through life. Its ok to stop and reevaluate and reassess your trajectory from time to time. And owning your limitations is not a sign of weakness. Being self aware in and of itself can be a great strength. At the same time listening to God's clear call in spite of those weaknesses at times can bring great blessing. So while we can't eliminate God's power and strength from the equation, we have to be sure, just how far he's calling us to step out. I don't want to get ahead of where he needs me to be.
There is no black and white. There is no formula. Life happens. The Spirit leads. Perspectives change.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Conflicted - Two sides of Hope
As a general rule, I try not to wish for or celebrate the failure or misfortune of someone else. As a foster parent you find yourself in an odd situation.
You fall in love with the little ones in your care. You hear about the conditions and circumstances which brought them into the system, and sometimes you even see the results and repercussions of those conditions and circumstances. You want what's best for them, and from where you stand, its to stay with you.
But there is another side to this story. There is a struggling parent with stories, hurts and traumas of their own. Many of them were foster children themselves or should have been. Shouldn't we hope for them too? Shouldn't we hope that they find something inside of them that compels them to rise above their situation and break the viscous cycle? Shouldn't we pray that they find salvation in Christ? Their lives are just as precious to Jesus. Do we just write them off indefinitely? That just isn't Biblical.
I'm not saying we should send these little ones back into harms way. I'm not saying that we as foster parents shouldn't love them enough to want to keep them. I'm not saying these parents should, depending on the circumstances, get their children back.
What I am saying is that we need to be compassionate and gracious. I live a blessed life. God has been so good to me. How could I possibly judge these people who grew up in much different circumstances, and in a much different environment, with either no or very inappropriate role models? They need my prayers. They need my Jesus.
This is something that both Jeremy and I struggle with. We of course want to keep Munchkin, and we do think that would be what's best for him, but we have to keep the right attitude. The parents in these situations need saving too. I'm probably not the one God is going to use to reach them, but I can pray for the person he is going to use. I may very well be praying for you.
You fall in love with the little ones in your care. You hear about the conditions and circumstances which brought them into the system, and sometimes you even see the results and repercussions of those conditions and circumstances. You want what's best for them, and from where you stand, its to stay with you.
But there is another side to this story. There is a struggling parent with stories, hurts and traumas of their own. Many of them were foster children themselves or should have been. Shouldn't we hope for them too? Shouldn't we hope that they find something inside of them that compels them to rise above their situation and break the viscous cycle? Shouldn't we pray that they find salvation in Christ? Their lives are just as precious to Jesus. Do we just write them off indefinitely? That just isn't Biblical.
I'm not saying we should send these little ones back into harms way. I'm not saying that we as foster parents shouldn't love them enough to want to keep them. I'm not saying these parents should, depending on the circumstances, get their children back.
What I am saying is that we need to be compassionate and gracious. I live a blessed life. God has been so good to me. How could I possibly judge these people who grew up in much different circumstances, and in a much different environment, with either no or very inappropriate role models? They need my prayers. They need my Jesus.
This is something that both Jeremy and I struggle with. We of course want to keep Munchkin, and we do think that would be what's best for him, but we have to keep the right attitude. The parents in these situations need saving too. I'm probably not the one God is going to use to reach them, but I can pray for the person he is going to use. I may very well be praying for you.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Up, down and round and round
Ok, its been a while since I had a chance to post... where to begin...We'll start with the fun stuff.
Munchkin is as cute as ever. He's starting to roll and is getting more and more control of his little hands. And boy is he a talker! Once this little guy actually has words we're going to be in trouble. He seems to be advancing ahead of schedule according to the book we're using as a reference for making sure he's on track with his development (I know, I'm a nerd even in this category of life). He's moved on to the next size diaper and the next size of clothes in the last week or two as well!
I'm sure all of these little mile stones seem silly or simple, hardly worth the praise I'm giving them, to someone without children. I can't help getting giddy about them though. It means we're doing something right! Not only is he still alive, but he's thriving! Every little cough, sneeze or slight fluctuation in his temperature or bowel movement schedule can get a new parent nervous. We start second guessing every choice we've made concerning the care of our little one if they get sick.
This last week Munchkin caught a stomach bug. Poor little guy. He's starting to eat better now, but his poor little tummy is still a bit out of sorts. What ifs began running though both mine and Jeremy's head, or mine at least. But you know, kids get sick, and if you take proper care of them and get them through it, it builds their little immune systems. So for all of you other parents out there, there are things that are really beyond your control, and you've got to just go with it and do your best.
The real kicker for us this last week is that a few days after Munchkin got this stomach bug, I came home with the flu. Fortunately he'd had his flu shot so he wasn't at a high risk of catching it from me, but I'd never had to take care of a baby, much less a sick baby while trying to take care of me... can you say impossible!?!? Jeremy ended up taking a couple sick days from work to come home and take care of us. My Hero! I think I'm almost done with this, but I still have a low fever and its day 5 or 6 now... losing count.
On the adoption/foster process front...
Munchkin's case is very different than Booger's case was. Biological family is still trying to get Munchkin back and there were no relatives involved with Booger's case. Its been a learning experience.
We take Munchkin for weekly visits with bio parents. We were at first trying to be very friendly and non-judgmental of the bio parents (in-spite of the reasons for Munchkin's removal), and really we still are, but their behavior recently is making that a bit difficult. We and CPS have decided that it would be best for us not to cross paths with either parent when dropping off or picking up from visits from now on. Or original hope was that we could be a resource for them or at least bio mom regardless of the outcome of the case, and though I'm not surprised, I'm sad to say that no longer looks like its going to be a possibility.
At first is was very hard to say which direction this would all go. Now it seems to be leaning ever so slightly in our favor unless something unexpected changes, but unexpected change is always a possibility. We have to keep that in the back our minds. The powers that be (CPS and the Attorney) though have assured us (though the judge really has the final say) that significant action to improve will be required of the bio family or another willing relative that is more suitable will have to surface for him to be placed with someone else. If significant improvement is made or a willing and suitable relative is found, I have to trust that they are making the right decision for Munchkin. Its very clear that they are not just checking boxes though and they don't seem optimistic that either of these things are going to happen. Even if they did happen, they foresee us having Munchkin for a while regardless.
Letting this little guy go would feel very different than letting Booger go did. We know where Booger is and that he's being loved and is well taken care of. We wouldn't have those assurances with Munchkin and we would probably never see him again. I have to continue to love on Munchkin with a hopeful heart, while at the same time mentally preparing myself for good-bye (that very well maybe a full year from now). Can you say emotional walking contradiction on a marathon length scale?
Munchkin is as cute as ever. He's starting to roll and is getting more and more control of his little hands. And boy is he a talker! Once this little guy actually has words we're going to be in trouble. He seems to be advancing ahead of schedule according to the book we're using as a reference for making sure he's on track with his development (I know, I'm a nerd even in this category of life). He's moved on to the next size diaper and the next size of clothes in the last week or two as well!
I'm sure all of these little mile stones seem silly or simple, hardly worth the praise I'm giving them, to someone without children. I can't help getting giddy about them though. It means we're doing something right! Not only is he still alive, but he's thriving! Every little cough, sneeze or slight fluctuation in his temperature or bowel movement schedule can get a new parent nervous. We start second guessing every choice we've made concerning the care of our little one if they get sick.
This last week Munchkin caught a stomach bug. Poor little guy. He's starting to eat better now, but his poor little tummy is still a bit out of sorts. What ifs began running though both mine and Jeremy's head, or mine at least. But you know, kids get sick, and if you take proper care of them and get them through it, it builds their little immune systems. So for all of you other parents out there, there are things that are really beyond your control, and you've got to just go with it and do your best.
The real kicker for us this last week is that a few days after Munchkin got this stomach bug, I came home with the flu. Fortunately he'd had his flu shot so he wasn't at a high risk of catching it from me, but I'd never had to take care of a baby, much less a sick baby while trying to take care of me... can you say impossible!?!? Jeremy ended up taking a couple sick days from work to come home and take care of us. My Hero! I think I'm almost done with this, but I still have a low fever and its day 5 or 6 now... losing count.
On the adoption/foster process front...
Munchkin's case is very different than Booger's case was. Biological family is still trying to get Munchkin back and there were no relatives involved with Booger's case. Its been a learning experience.
We take Munchkin for weekly visits with bio parents. We were at first trying to be very friendly and non-judgmental of the bio parents (in-spite of the reasons for Munchkin's removal), and really we still are, but their behavior recently is making that a bit difficult. We and CPS have decided that it would be best for us not to cross paths with either parent when dropping off or picking up from visits from now on. Or original hope was that we could be a resource for them or at least bio mom regardless of the outcome of the case, and though I'm not surprised, I'm sad to say that no longer looks like its going to be a possibility.
At first is was very hard to say which direction this would all go. Now it seems to be leaning ever so slightly in our favor unless something unexpected changes, but unexpected change is always a possibility. We have to keep that in the back our minds. The powers that be (CPS and the Attorney) though have assured us (though the judge really has the final say) that significant action to improve will be required of the bio family or another willing relative that is more suitable will have to surface for him to be placed with someone else. If significant improvement is made or a willing and suitable relative is found, I have to trust that they are making the right decision for Munchkin. Its very clear that they are not just checking boxes though and they don't seem optimistic that either of these things are going to happen. Even if they did happen, they foresee us having Munchkin for a while regardless.
Letting this little guy go would feel very different than letting Booger go did. We know where Booger is and that he's being loved and is well taken care of. We wouldn't have those assurances with Munchkin and we would probably never see him again. I have to continue to love on Munchkin with a hopeful heart, while at the same time mentally preparing myself for good-bye (that very well maybe a full year from now). Can you say emotional walking contradiction on a marathon length scale?
Friday, December 20, 2013
Less Talk and more Action
We're putting feet to our words once again. We've had Munchkin now for 3 1/2 weeks or so. Goodness gracious! So much personality for someone so small! This little guy knows what he wants and gosh darn it he wants it now. He's demanding, but he's full of smiles and coos when you come through for him. It keeps us going when sleep deprivation, work stress and seasonal illness take their toll, and boy have they this week for me especially. Sooooo ready for some down time over the holidays!
I'm going to take this moment to say a special thanks to my mommy. She's been such a wonderful help and has graciously dealt with my stressed out, sick, and grumpy self this week. And another special thanks to my Sweetie. He's also been very sweet and gracious, and he has done his best to take care of me without jeopardizing his own health in the process. I'm feeling very loved in the midst of my medicated chaos.
On a slightly different note, here's an update for those of you who are as anxious as we are to see us actually follow through to adoption someday... This placement has not made any promises of being a potential adoptive placement. It can always end up going that way, but we took this one on with the full knowledge that its possible we won't get to keep him. This go around, we're not asking as many questions. We don't want anyone in the system to make us any promises they can't keep. We will love him while we have him, however long that may be. His particular situation tugged at our heart strings and we said yes. I can't disclose the details, but just know that everyone involved in this case holds a special place in our life's mission as Christians and as a couple.
Because we know that Munchkin might not be a permanent deal, we're remaining very open to young sibling groups of two. I know what you're thinking, and yes we are crazy, but we've seen how quickly things can change in the world of CPS and how long they can drag out as well, and we don't know which extreme Munchkin's case might lean toward. We're going to have to step out in faith and trust that God knows exactly what's on the horizon for us, and we have to trust that he's going to provide for our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs as we pour ourselves out for the least of these as he's called us to.
If you would please keep us in your prayers. Its easy enough to write all of this. Doing it is not so easy and while I may sound confident and resolved, there are doubts and fears that at times pop up and can tear my eyes off of my Savior, who is my strength and supply. I think that's probably true for all of us, no matter what our specific calling in life is. So be encouraged! Doing something hard is by definition hard, but doing something easy isn't nearly as rewarding and life giving. Dare to do something hard, challenging, and risky for the sake of Christ!
I'm going to take this moment to say a special thanks to my mommy. She's been such a wonderful help and has graciously dealt with my stressed out, sick, and grumpy self this week. And another special thanks to my Sweetie. He's also been very sweet and gracious, and he has done his best to take care of me without jeopardizing his own health in the process. I'm feeling very loved in the midst of my medicated chaos.
On a slightly different note, here's an update for those of you who are as anxious as we are to see us actually follow through to adoption someday... This placement has not made any promises of being a potential adoptive placement. It can always end up going that way, but we took this one on with the full knowledge that its possible we won't get to keep him. This go around, we're not asking as many questions. We don't want anyone in the system to make us any promises they can't keep. We will love him while we have him, however long that may be. His particular situation tugged at our heart strings and we said yes. I can't disclose the details, but just know that everyone involved in this case holds a special place in our life's mission as Christians and as a couple.
Because we know that Munchkin might not be a permanent deal, we're remaining very open to young sibling groups of two. I know what you're thinking, and yes we are crazy, but we've seen how quickly things can change in the world of CPS and how long they can drag out as well, and we don't know which extreme Munchkin's case might lean toward. We're going to have to step out in faith and trust that God knows exactly what's on the horizon for us, and we have to trust that he's going to provide for our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs as we pour ourselves out for the least of these as he's called us to.
If you would please keep us in your prayers. Its easy enough to write all of this. Doing it is not so easy and while I may sound confident and resolved, there are doubts and fears that at times pop up and can tear my eyes off of my Savior, who is my strength and supply. I think that's probably true for all of us, no matter what our specific calling in life is. So be encouraged! Doing something hard is by definition hard, but doing something easy isn't nearly as rewarding and life giving. Dare to do something hard, challenging, and risky for the sake of Christ!
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