Life Happens - Perspectives Change

We kept 2 and 3 year old little girls for another foster family last weekend...  Goodness!  No wonder people thought we were crazy for wanting 3 kids dropped on us all at once!  We knew it would be hard, but can you say reality check?  Its one thing when you gradually add one at a time over a period of years building up to 3 (easing into the sleep deprivation and exhaustion, like a frog in a pot of water slowly being brought to a boil), but all at once, that's a big big change.

We had a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but I seriously could have taken a 10 year long nap after that.  I was going to try to do it all on my own, that's the really funny part.  Jeremy works on Saturdays.  About a week prior, he sat down with me and asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to try to get the day off?"  What a good man I've got!  I would have needed a 20 year nap if I had done it all myself.

I won't bore you with the details of the weekend, but I will say they left a lasting impression on us, as well as a nasty cold.  I have to give props to their foster family though.  This couple has 5 foster kidos and two biological children, they both work full time, and in a year and a half this is only the second time they've taken a weekend off.  I put people like this in the Super Hero category.

After this experience, Jeremy and I both took a step back and reevaluated our own goals and abilities.   It was looking like they might not match up.  I'm not a quitter.  I'm a woman of my word.  In some ways I'm a bit prideful.  I didn't want to admit that it would be too much for me on top of a full time job.  I want to be a Super Hero too.  But lets be realistic for just a minute...  If we take on more than we can actually handle and end up doing a poor job by these kids, is that really beneficial to anyone?

So here's where we're at now...  Munchkin's case could go on for more than a year before we have any real idea which way its going to go.  We are going to have him for a while (hopefully forever, but at least a while).  In addition to a baby, we can really only handle adding one child at a time, especially if they're under the age of 5.  If one of us was full time, stay at home, we might feel differently, but this is our current reality.  We're staying in on the sibling group of two we're currently short listed on, but they are both school age, and that we feel, is within our realm of ability as well.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that our goals and abilities will morph and change as we move through life.  Its ok to stop and reevaluate and reassess your trajectory from time to time.  And owning your limitations is not a sign of weakness.  Being self aware in and of itself can be a great strength.  At the same time listening to God's clear call in spite of those weaknesses at times can bring great blessing.  So while we can't eliminate God's power and strength from the equation, we have to be sure, just how far he's calling us to step out.  I don't want to get ahead of where he needs me to be.

There is no black and white.  There is no formula.  Life happens.  The Spirit leads.  Perspectives change.

Conflicted - Two sides of Hope

As a general rule, I try not to wish for or celebrate the failure or misfortune of someone else.  As a foster parent you find yourself in an odd situation.

You fall in love with the little ones in your care.  You hear about the conditions and circumstances which brought them into the system, and sometimes you even see the results and repercussions of those conditions and circumstances.  You want what's best for them, and from where you stand, its to stay with you.

But there is another side to this story.  There is a struggling parent with stories, hurts and traumas of their own.  Many of them were foster children themselves or should have been.  Shouldn't we hope for them too?  Shouldn't we hope that they find something inside of them that compels them to rise above their situation and break the viscous cycle?  Shouldn't we pray that they find salvation in Christ?  Their lives are just as precious to Jesus.  Do we just write them off indefinitely?  That just isn't Biblical.

I'm not saying we should send these little ones back into harms way.  I'm not saying that we as foster parents shouldn't love them enough to want to keep them.  I'm not saying these parents should, depending on the circumstances, get their children back.

What I am saying is that we need to be compassionate and gracious.  I live a blessed life.  God has been so good to me.  How could I possibly judge these people who grew up in much different circumstances, and in a much different environment, with either no or very inappropriate role models?  They need my prayers.  They need my Jesus.

This is something that both Jeremy and I struggle with.  We of course want to keep Munchkin, and we do think that would be what's best for him, but we have to keep the right attitude.  The parents in these situations need saving too.  I'm probably not the one God is going to use to reach them, but I can pray for the person he is going to use.  I may very well be praying for you.